This was published anonymously on 14 May 2011. Now also on my website.
This theory was inspired by a life full of barriers. Barriers that didn’t exist, but were nevertheless effective. That seems contradictory, but I’ll explain. Eventually, these nonexistent barriers could be taken away. I’ll also explain how.
It is possible that more people’s lives are like this.
Nob-nosh: No blame, no shame.
Shame is the power behind the problem.
Normal shame is useful: it regulates people’s behavior.
Shame is especially useful for regulating sexuality. In addition to things like sexual orientation, the incest taboo etc., shame can help avoid sexual feelings and actions that are felt as inappropriate, both by the individual and by society as a whole.
An aggravating factor is that shame can occur not only based on what someone really does or feels, but also on what someone might in theory possibly do or feel. In fact any uncertainty in a young adolescent can and will invoke feelings of shame.
Shame might get out of hand, become overwhelming and unbearable. Overwhelming shame feelings can lead to projection as a failed way out. Projection means looking for a scapegoat, who can be blamed instead of oneself. Possible scapegoat candidates are parents, government officials, etc.
Now such a projection, i.e. blaming others for what you do or might do yourself (actually or allegedly), is of course dishonest, unjust and despicable. Therefore it causes more shame.
The result is a vicious circle which doesn’t reduce shame, but only strengthens it. The strengthened shame becomes more overwhelming and unbearable, and stimulates the inclination to find a desperate way out, again in projection.
The undue suspicion and fear of persecution spring from projection to scapegoats, of feared misconduct by the paranoid himself. Trying to talk reason into a paranoid will have a contrary effect: he already knows very well that his suspicions are groundless, and is ashamed about them. Pointing out that they are groundless will aggravate the shame and so will only stimulate the paranoia.
Unjust accusations of sexual abuse (tacit or outspoken). Note that the existence of such false allegations does not imply that all accusations are groundless. Unfortunately, sexual abuse in some cases does really occur.
The scapegoat, the target of projection in this case is an entire group. Many variants are possible: oppression of Christians in a predominantly Moslem society, religious discrimination of Moslems in a predominantly Christian society, etc.
Undue suspicion can also occur in politics, e.g. the enduring hostility between the United States and Iran, 1960s and 70s socialist movements blaming the so-called imperialists for every evil in the world, libertarianism (in the sense of wanting the minimization or the elimination of the state), anarchism, etc. etc.
Note that in some of these cases, there can be justified grounds for reproach. But these are often exaggerated in an unreasonable way, which raises the suspicion that unhealthy psychological mechanisms, such as the one described in this document, are behind it.
The described shame projection mechanism may also be a contributing factor for the emergence of conspiracy theories, along with thrill-seeking and of course ... real conspiracies.
Phobias, especially social phobias, can be another result of the mechanism. The shame and the reason for it is projected onto some authority figure, and may later emerge as half subconscious unpleasantness, of a vaguely sexual nature, associated with the intent of starting any planned activity. This can have a crippling effect on life in general. In a milder but equally devastating form, it can consist of compulsive distraction behavior, away from what was planned and intended.
Perhaps the mechanism is also a factor in honor killings. The usual idea is that the (alleged or actual) behavior of a young female brings dishonor upon the family or community. The real mechanism might be: projected shame felt by the male perpetrators (who are often family members). That shame is then caused by potentially possible (but not actually felt, because of quick and effective suppression) sexual feelings about the female. The shame is caused by the incest taboo, and is so strong that it becomes unbearable. So it is projected on the victim. But because that is so unjust, it only strengthens the shame. Yet another vicious circle, shame getting out of hand with violence as a result, as a failed way out.
Female genital mutilation may be the result of a similar mechanism.
Uncontrollable shame, strengthened by a vicious circle of projection of blame, may also play a role in cases of self-harm (self-mutilation) or even suicide. Perhaps spree killings and cases of murder-suicide are connected too.
Could there be a connection with anorexia nervosa as well?
The problem can be solved or alleviated by breaking the vicious circle. Because the circle mechanism has often developed into a habit, correction has to be done repeatedly over a long period.
In addition, it is sometimes necessary to reduce the original cause of the shame. See also Shoarn.
In all cases, the approach should be as euphemistic as possible: being too explicit will only cause new and more shame, and thus make the problem worse.
This leads to several mantras, simple statements that address the problem in a clear, but non-painful manner.
No blame, no shame.
This is the simplest way. It addresses the vicious circle, which is the essential mechanism that keeps the problem alive.
No barriers, no blame, no shame.
Adding the notion of barriers is specific to the phobic type of problem. The barriers don’t exist, and their effect can be removed by admitting they don’t exist, but are only imagined.
Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame others, blame the problem. Overcome the problem by admitting it doesn’t exist.
Shame can be a negative emotion. If is directed against oneself (other than as a healthy means of behavior regulation), or against someone else (projection, pass the responsibility), it doesn’t help at all. By directing the shame, and the resulting anger, towards the problem, the mental disease, it becomes a positive and constructive force. Admitting the problem doesn’t exist, means no longer unduly blaming somebody else, which breaks the vicious circle of self-strengthening shame.
No blame, no shame, shame only about right now.
This addresses the original cause of unnecessary shame: not being ashamed about what you are actually doing wrong right now, but instead about something you might conceivably do wrong, even though you don’t and won’t.
No blame, no shame, shame only about yourself.
This is intended to reduce family-spanning shame feelings that may play a role in honor killings.